4.18.26

Logging on from Beaverly Hills. Rare treat to stay in a real hotel... I love cold room and big duvet. I feel in such vacation mode but there's no partying with my colleagues. I like my coworkers but they have suburban risk aversion and also one is my boss. Still we had a nice time, took a long walk together to get tacos and ice cream. On the way back we detoured through rodeo drive, which felt like the fake inside of the Venician. Tomorrow I'm planning to wake up early for a cheeky hike before I report for duty. I don't want to tell my coworkers lest they disapprove of my solo venture. The weather is perfect

4.16.26

Conference went well. Relief tempered by the fact that it will just keep going like this for a month. I got home at 3PM, took a 90 minute nap on the floor, and then worked again until bedtime. My professor emailed me yesterday because I've missed too many classes. I feel bad but it's just not a priority. Whatever! I am trying my best.

The stress of work is kind of messing with my grief processing lol. I can feel the sadness but don't have time to access it. Cried about work today and was like actually I think something else is going on here...

Excited for my trip. Need to pack and plan my downtime activities

4.13.26

Got home at like 9PM today. I have a huge conference which will keep me working late and early until Friday, then I will see Lily Allen, then I will go to LA. This week will be so busy and the work will be annoying, but the hours pass quickly. The nice thing about working events is that they end. And also, sometimes they send you to LA.

Something shifted in my emotionally on Friday. I can feel the pull of my attachment waiver, looking for a new signal. Its a sort of anxious and confused feeling, but also energetic, very different to the despondence of before. In some ways I miss just being sad and falling in on myself. Turning to the world requires more from me, but its happening. I am just a passenger.