Derealization on the Ski Vacation

I look down and am surprised to see my own feet

Strapped into little boots and skis

Swish swish of their own volition

Stumbling down the mountain

I observe myself more than I am myself

Later in the moonlit hot tub

I watch the steam rise out of the water

Alive and reacting

A father sitting across from me tells his son, "We're so grateful for you."

Soft smiles, tender heart aches

I wish I could have this

I thought it would be with you

I bow my head and watch light bounce in water

Gurgling in response to the air jets

Like my feet, like the steam, like the water and the mountain

I am urged in a certain direction

Drawn together, compelled apart

Forces upon forces

Swish swish

In Athens,

My breakfast was the same most days

I picked a pomegranate

Sliced the skin, scraped the seeds, stained my fingers

Mixed the fruit with yogurt and honey

And spooned it slowly

Imagining ancient women before me,

Sharing in my tastes.

My roommate liked her oatmeal

And to warn me of damnation

"You’re not the only sinner here," she admitted

"I struggle with masturbation"

I asked her what God likes less -

When girls touch themselves,

or when girls touch each other.

She blushed. A sin is a sin.

Early on, our professor took us to a

Squat square church

And explained that its stones were Spolia

Disassembled pagan monuments

Re-arranged atop Ilithyia’s temple

Figures renamed from Gods to Saints

A monument to the moment that

Athens turned away from the Pantheon

And toward this other deity,

The angry Father,

Who prohibits Eve from her apples.

The class lamented;

Missing Gods we’d never believed

For all of their faults, at least

These others had appreciated

the finer things

(pomegranates, gay sex).