Derealization on the Ski Vacation

I look down and am surprised to see my own feet

Strapped into little boots and skis

Swish swish of their own volition

Stumbling down the mountain

I observe myself more than I am myself

Later in the moonlit hot tub

I watch the steam rise out of the water

Alive and reacting

A father sitting across from me tells his son, "We're so grateful for you."

Soft smiles, tender heart aches

I wish I could have this

I thought it would be with you

I bow my head and watch light bounce in water

Gurgling in response to the air jets

Like my feet, like the steam, like the water and the mountain

I am urged in a certain direction

Drawn together, compelled apart

Forces upon forces

Swish swish