5.9.25

My mom keeps sending me texts about how much pain she's in and then sending me houses she thinks we should buy together. Deryk has been talking more about wanting to move out of the city now that he's done school. It seems like the universe wants me to move into a house with my ailing mother and my boyfriend. Mixed feelings... I wish I knew more people with elderly or disabled parents. My mom's pain is so real to me, but living with her is hard. No matter what I do I am on the hook for her suffering. When she dies, I want to think that I did the best I could. What is a bigger betrayal-- making the choice that I know increases her suffering (and also mine via guilt), or making the choice that I know will make life harder and worse for me. Whatever. Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself for having had a disabled mom, I try to think about the things I like about myself that were shaped by my mom. She loves me a lot and that's something

5.8.25

My partner's family's dog died and I am so unreasonably sad about it... I feel so sluggish and leaky.. work is so busy and I can't do ittt I need to cryyyy. I just wish I knew that the last time I saw her would be the last time

5.2.25

For her birthday ridgewood gave Ashley a white husky named wendy. She smells really bad

5.1.25

I was very out in the world with my job today... I like that my job is something a girl in a romcom would do... I like when I'm doing big work things from a train dressed like adam sandler

My friend who is staying with me and whom I love just got a job as a literary aid at the Boys and Girls club. Very cool of her but she is coming home so sad and tired. Not that my job never makes me sad and tired. Wishing job satisfaction on you and yours on this beautiful thursday...........

5.1.25

Last night I met my best friend once removed (the best friend of my best friend's best friend) :) I love how small and sweet the world feels lately. I am planning to spend the whole summer on a big blanket in Clark Park, where I will know lots of the other people coming to lie on blankets, and I will try to get them all to play soccer with me.

I was late to the writing club last night because Callie and I were at a murder mystery party at the PMA. It was honestly epic... probably one of the better perks of working in events is that I get invited to events for events people, where venues try to show off and give you free prosecco. Callie ran into a friend who is also my coworker, and none of us knew how we were connected until we were solving a murder together. The world is small and sweet!

Tonight I will board amtrack and see Ashley and eat Mexican food :) I can't wait to play with Margot and splash in the creek. Work is so stressfull but everything else is so nice, which tell me that once work is done being stressful (on May 19th, count the days), I will have the best summer ever. On my big blanket and in various creeks.

4.24.25

Hello Flounder nation